


still got tonight

by aalphard



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Panic, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, a tiny bit of hurt/comfort like if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aalphard/pseuds/aalphard
Summary: “Hey, Tadashi?” he heard a soft whisper against his neck and actually shuddered. Tsukki never called him by his first name, and it made something churn in his stomach in anticipation.“Y-yeah?” he managed to whisper back.“Have you ever confessed?”It felt like they were kids again, snuggled up against each other and whispering secrets in the middle of the night, when no one would hear them. He remembered the adrenaline rush they felt, followed by light giggles, when someone woke up and lights flickered on and off in their houses, feeling the thrill of doing something only the two of them would know about. That had died off somewhere along the way and Tadashi felt the thrill climbing up his spine thinking about it.“No,” he answers. “Never really wanted to,”until now,he wants to say. But he manages not to.or yamaguchi tadashi should’ve known better than to let himself get swept away and fall in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 24
Kudos: 393





	still got tonight

**Author's Note:**

> based on this prompt:
>
>> sharing beds ever since they were kids and never really growing out of that habit even though it now hurts to be that close to each other knowing it will never be anything more than platonic cuddling

It’s precisely when things are going conveniently and properly that you get your feet swept out from under you. Thinking back, it’s been like that ever since the beginning, and he’s dreamed of it so many times – if he hadn’t met his gaze that day, if he hadn’t given up there and turned around at that specific point. You can ponder things for eons or you can give them barely a moment’s thought and the results will still unfold right before your eyes – and no matter how ugly they may look or how foul they may smell or how stupidly fast they make your heart beat, you’ve got no choice but to accept them. One single choice is all it takes to throw off your entire course and once you’re off a set of rails, you can’t turn back. And once you’re tired of plodding forward, all on your own, you’ll only be able to whisper to yourself that _it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this_.

Yamaguchi Tadashi should’ve known better than to let himself get swept away. He’d went through so many scenarios on his head already, of how badly it would hurt when he finally gathered the courage to confess only to get rejected. He’d even rehearsed what he’d say afterwards, something like _I know this is weird and I think it’s great that you managed to put up with me for so long and I think that’s why it happened in the first place but I don’t really want an answer, I don’t really want anything other than what we have and it’s fine if you don’t feel the same, I can deal with these feelings on my own_ or something along those lines. He’d wanted to say it for some time now, like every time he slept over or when they walking each other home from school or practice, but nerves got the best of him every single time. He didn’t exactly _intend_ for that to happen, anyway, so it’s not like it was his fault or something. But it was bound to happen when they were always so close, right? He should’ve known better.

They were used to spending the night at each other’s houses and were even considered part of the family. His parents used to say he spent more time at Tsukishima’s house than at his own house, and he couldn’t come up with anything to deny it – because he _did_.

Ever since they became friends, Tadashi was always going to his house and spending more time with Tsukki’s parents than he did with his own parents. And they didn’t mind sharing a bed the first time Tadashi stayed over the night and the bed was big enough that both of them fit comfortably without necessarily having to tangle their bodies in weird angles – but _somehow_ , when morning came, Tadashi found himself being enveloped in long arms, being pressed close to Tsukki’s chest and that was the first time he felt his heart race in anything other than fear. It had become a habit. Sleeping together and cuddling whenever one of them decided they’d spend the night – and that wasn’t a problem at all. They were both boys, anyway, and it’s not like they’d fall in love with each other. _Right?_

But Tadashi had started to wake up before Tsukki and for some odd reason, watching him breathe, the slow rise and fall of his chest, fascinated him to no end. It was so different watching him sleep – he seemed so _peaceful_. With no frown in his face and glasses out of the way, he looked younger, and Tadashi liked the fact that he was the only one outside of his family to know how he looked like right before he went to bed and as soon as he woke up. And every once in a while he got bold and managed to rest his head on top of his chest so he could hear his heartbeat. Good thing Tsukki was a heavy sleeper.

And everything was okay.

Until they started high school and suddenly Tsukki was being called out of the classroom by so many girls and getting so many letters in his locker. It burns in his chest, it stings, and Tadashi isn’t sure what it is but he doesn’t like it one bit. He doesn’t have it within himself to ask Tsukki what it is when he comes back, the same uninterested expression splattered on his face, but deep down he knows what happened. He knows there’s been so many confessions and he knows it shouldn’t hurt him but it still does and he doesn’t know why.

“Are you coming over today?” He asks when they’re walking home from practice, and Tadashi has to stop himself from coming up with an excuse. So he nods, not trusting his own words.

They don’t talk much anymore – and even when they do, it all comes down to practice and the games and when he’ll be coming over. Sometimes they talk about schoolwork and exams, but nothing beyond that. Tadashi can’t ask about the confessions and doesn’t trust himself enough to ask about his feelings – and even if he did, he’s not sure he’d be able to cope with the answer. So he shuts it down as far as he can and pretends it never crossed his mind.

“ _We’re home!”_ Tsukki mumbles when they finally get home and Tadashi murmurs a quiet apology for the intrusion. “You don’t have to do that anymore”, he says, adjusting his glasses. “It’s like you’re part of the family already.”

Tadashi has to pretend he’s not feeling his heart trying to leave his body through his throat, thumping so hard he’s afraid he’s not the only one who can hear it, and suddenly his whole body is on fire. So he nods and tries to hide his face in his hair, looking down at his feet so he doesn’t have to look up at the man in front of him. He feels out of place all of a sudden and it makes something churn in his tummy – why _now?_ Why _him_ , of all the people he knew?

“Welcome home!” It wasn’t his mom who welcomed them, and Tadashi looks up from his shoes.

“Why are you here?”

“ _Mean_ , Kei,” Akiteru giggled. “I came home because of your game! Mom told me you guys will be having a practice match soon and I want to be there.”

“Don’t.”

Tadashi smiled. It wasn’t often that they got to see Akiteru, and ever since they became friends, Tsukki and him, he felt like he had a big brother as well. He _was_ a part of the family, he _knew_ that. They’d been friends for so long it felt like they’d known each other their whole lives. But something about having Tsukki saying that, acknowledging the fact that he was something constant in his life… it had his heart hurting, his head spinning and body getting hot all of a sudden. And he didn’t quite understand what was going on.

“Mom left you guys something for dinner,” Akiteru said, walking back to the kitchen.

“Why _‘you guys’?_ Aren’t you staying?”

If he wasn’t already supporting his weight on the wall while taking off his shoes, Tadashi might have fell over. His knees gave out from under him and he was suddenly out of breath – it’s not like they hadn’t been alone before, eating dinner together like a newlywed couple (that might be a bit of a stretch, but that’s how it felt for him recently), but _for fucks sake_ , Tadashi wasn’t ready this time. His heart thumped so hard in his chest he became deaf for a few seconds, his vision suddenly blurry.

“No, I made plans,” he said with a grin on his face. Tadashi saw the pink tint smearing his cheeks and figured he wasn’t the only one who was nervous right then.

“Oh, you've finally got yourself a date,” Tsukki mumbled, walking towards the kitchen and the rest were muffled words coming from the other room as Tadashi still had to support himself on the wall so he didn’t fall.

They’d be alone, then.

They’d be all alone and Tadashi wouldn’t have anywhere to hide. He considered telling them ‘ _I’m sorry, something came up and my mom needs me at home, so I’ll see you at school on Monday!’_ and running off, but that wasn’t like him at all, was it? And even if it did manage to come out convincingly, Tadashi knew they’d call right after he got home and ask his mom if everything turned out okay and she’d tell them the truth and Tadashi would’ve been ruined. So he just stood there, knees partially bent and hands shaking, trying to get himself together before either of the two came out to get him.

He bumped into Akiteru while _finally_ making his way into the kitchen and the blond mumbled a quick apology before opening the door and disappearing outside. He gulped while opening the door, only to find the table set and no Tsukki in sight.

“Tsukki?” He called.

“In here.”

There he was, apron around his body and pots in his hands. Tadashi muffled a giggle, knowing it would certainly earn him a complaint – but it wasn’t often that he got to see Tsukki wearing that and setting the table for them. Usually it was already set when they arrived from practice so neither of them had to do any work – “you boys are too tired already”, they’d hear all the time from their mothers, and they weren’t complaining.

“Mom said I should heat those up,” he said. “There was a note on the fridge. It also said there’s ice cream if we end up wanting something sweet after dinner.”

Tadashi nodded and took his usual seat. They usually sat in front of each other – ever since they were kids – and there was something familiar to that. Tsukki didn’t seem to mind him staring and Tadashi caught himself thinking how he’d react if he were to reach out for him from the other side of the table and kiss him. How he’d react if he decided to confess right then. What would he say? What kind of face would he make? Would his cheeks turn pink? Would he stutter, at a loss for words for once? Something burned low in his stomach and Tadashi snorted to himself.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, nothing,” he said, covering his mouth and letting a smile tug his lips up. “Nothing at all.”

* * *

It didn’t feel weird, lying down on Tsukki’s bed and staring at his ceiling while he listened to the music blasting from his headphones. He blinked a few times, trying to get accustomed to the dark and the oh-so-familiar outlines of Tsukki’s bedroom. He was humming along with the song and Tadashi was glad it was so dark, because then he wouldn’t see the soft smile appearing on his face.

But he wondered what he’d say if he did. Would he think Tadashi was making fun of him? Would he tell him to shut up, even though he wasn’t saying anything? Tsukki had a habit of doing that, and Tadashi would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it to some extent. And there was that tiny hint of anxiety pooling on his tummy, making him dizzy and somewhat ticklish in the worst way possible. What if he ended up saying something weird and Tsukki ended up hating him?

He might’ve never felt more nervous in his entire life and that’s… _something_ , considering his whole personality and how much of a scaredy-cat he is. His heart is thumping loud enough for him to go slightly deaf for a while, Tsukki’s music being fogged up by how fast and hard his heart is beating and he feels like he might die at any second now. He closes his eyes and there’s a rush of thoughts running through his head and it only makes him all the more nervous and he hadn’t even realized he sat up until Tsukki’s hand is on his shoulder and he’s asking him stuff he doesn’t really understand because his heart is so _loud_ and he’s so _anxious_ and he doesn’t even think straight before blurting out: “How does it feel to be confessed to?”

To which Tsukki widens his eyes and squints a bit, cocking his head to the side and letting go of his headphones. There’s a thump as they fall to the floor and Tadashi is actually surprised Tsukki hadn’t placed them neatly on his bedside table. He doesn’t really have the time to worry about that, though, as suddenly Tsukki is getting closer and closer and _oh, my God, I think I’m going to have a heart attack_ , he thinks.

“ _Huh?”_ is what he says back and Tadashi wants to punch himself in the face. He wants to go back in time and punch the Tadashi from five seconds ago because he’s _so embarrassed_. “I mean, I think it’s fine? It’s not like I really care.”

“R-really?” he manages to stutter back and has to control himself as to not look disappointed. It’s not like he didn’t know already, right? He knew Tsukki had no interest whatsoever in relationships in general, and that’s why the closest he’d ever been to anyone was… well. Maybe that’s what confused him in the first place. It was nothing special, they were just friends.

“Yeah,” he laid back down and Tadashi tried not looking at him too much or else he felt like he might start crying. “It’s a hassle, really. Being all giddy and losing composure and there’s too much to do and I don’t really feel like it’s worth it.”

“H-how come?”

“I mean,”, he moves to lie on his side and support his head on his hand. “It’s too much effort only to have it ending someday, right? It’s not like every relationship lasts forever, either way. So I don’t really see the point.”

Tadashi felt his heart drop. No, in fact, his soul might’ve left his body and he’s now just an empty shell. He _knew_ Tsukki didn’t care and that’s why he was always expressionless when he came back to their classroom after being confessed to so many times, _he didn’t care_ and Tadashi might have thought that was great because then he’d still have him all to himself, although he realized that might’ve been a dick move. But _now_ , there he was, being rejected without having even confessed yet – and he didn’t remember anything hurting as bad as this.

“Yeah,” he managed to get it out, trying not to show how horrible he was feeling.

Tsukki squinted at him while sitting up himself, crouching a bit so their faces were slightly closer. “Why the sudden question?” he asked, and Tadashi had to force himself to gulp down a squeal. _So close_ , he thought. “Have you been confessed to?”

It’s not like he should have cared, but Tsukki’s tone was slightly annoyed and it made him somewhat happy. He shook his head anyway. “Why would someone confess to me, though?” He snorted, still shaking his head. “It’s not like anyone sees me as boyfriend material, anyway.”

He tried chuckling and failed miserably. He really did try to pretend that didn’t hurt him, that it didn’t keep him up when he was younger and even now, sometimes staying up until the sun was already shining through the blinds and he was just sat there, thinking about it and wondering what was wrong with him.

“Why not?”

And at that his heart literally stops for like two seconds. ‘ _Why?’_ What kind of question _was_ that? It’s not like he _knew_ , right? So he shrugs it off and Tsukki scowls, getting a bit more closer and Tadashi is sure he’s about to pass out – or maybe he did already and this is a dream. He can only hope that Tsukki isn’t able to see the blush spreading through his cheeks.

“Would you like to be confessed to?” He asked.

“W-well…” Tadashi started off, not really knowing what to say. “I guess?”

Tsukki hums in response and falls back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and leaving a confused Tadashi sitting there. Why did he ask? What was up with that? Did he manage to get the question wrong or? Then he rolled to his side and left his arm sprawled out over the pillow, which was something he usually did when Tadashi came over, so he mostly used Tsukki’s arms as a pillow instead of the actual thing.

“Come on,” he says, and Tadashi actually jumps. “Let’s sleep,” he continues. “I’m tired.”

Just like that. Alright, then.

Tadashi hopes Tsukki can’t hear the fast thumping of his heart when he lies down, facing away from him and letting his arms envelop him in a hug. They were used to sleeping like this, it shouldn’t be weird – but it _feels_ weird and Tadashi hates himself a little bit for letting his feelings get in the way of what they had. _Why did he have to go out of his way and fall in love with_ Tsukki, _of all the people in the world?_ He gulped when he felt Tsukki nuzzling against him and breathing softly on his neck.

He closed his eyes and tried to tell himself to calm down, that was normal, they did this all the time, so there was nothing to be excited about. He tried to tell his heart to stop beating so fast, tried thinking of something else but it all boiled down to Tsukki and how much he loved him and how stupid he was for letting himself get swept off his feet and dive in head-first in this whole feelings thing and _oh, God, he loved him so much it hurt._

“Hey, Tadashi?” he heard a soft whisper against his neck and actually shuddered. Tsukki never called him by his first name, and it made something churn in his stomach in anticipation.

“Y-yeah?” he managed to whisper back.

“Have you ever confessed?”

It felt like they were kids again, snuggled up against each other and whispering secrets in the middle of the night, when no one would hear them. He remembered the adrenaline rush they felt, followed by light giggles, when someone woke up and lights flickered on and off in their houses, feeling the thrill of doing something only the two of them would know about. That had died off somewhere along the way and Tadashi felt the thrill climbing up his spine thinking about it.

“No,” he answers. “Never really wanted to,” _until now_ , he wants to say. But he manages not to.

“How do you think it feels like?”

“I think it’s nerve-wrecking,” he answers truthfully. He wouldn’t be so scared to confess if it didn’t wreck him, all the worst-case-scenario possibilities that would probably unfold after he supposedly did it. “It must be something you _know_ you want, right? To be with the person you confess to?”

Tsukki hums in response and hugs him a little tighter. “How do you think they know?”

Tadashi shrugged. “I don’t know,” he says, hoping Tsukki doesn’t feel his heart trying to make its way out of his body through his throat. “I think you want to spend time with them. Like, more than what you usually do, I think. And everything seems special somehow, when you’re together, maybe? Because they make everything seem better.” He gulps, and he’s thankful they’re not facing each other because he’s definitely blushing. And he’s blushing _hard_. “And you don’t want to leave, to be apart from them because it hurts. And you want to be around them all the time and it becomes addictive in the best way possible…” he manages to get it all out and sighs, closing his eyes and letting himself relax on Tsukki’s arms. “ _I think.”_

“Really?” he asks, and Tadashi nods slightly.

They’re quiet for a while, listening to each other breathing and it’s peaceful and Tadashi doesn’t want morning to come because Tsukki’s snuggled up to him and hugging him from behind and he can feel him breathing on his neck and it’s so unfair how he can do all of this and make his whole body feel like jelly. It’s unfair that he’s there and that Tadashi fell in love with him because he hadn’t meant to and now he was hurting and he wanted it to end but at the same time he wanted to be like that forever, relishing in the thought that he was the only one who could be so close to him and snuggle up in his arms at night whenever they decided to sleep over and he didn’t want it to end _at all._

“Then I think I’m in love with you.”

Tadashi was never up so fast. He untangled himself from Tsukki’s arms and sat up straight, jumping off the bed and hitting the drawer in his sudden movements. It was dark and he couldn’t see his face clearly, but he saw him getting up lazily as if he hadn’t just confessed right then. _I must be going mad_ , he thought. _There’s no way in hell he just confessed to me, right? I’m not boyfriend material, we talked about this already._

“W-what?” he stuttered and Tsukki snorted. “I mean, you can’t just _say_ that and expect me not to be surprised, I mean…”

“I’m sorry?” Tsukki chuckled. “It’s not like I understand it properly, but when you explained it to me, I think it clicked somewhere in the back of my mind and I got it. I love you, and I think I have for a while now, if I’m being honest.”

There are tears pooling up in his eyes and he feels a sob coming through and he’s so _relieved_ and everything just fell into place and he was so _happy_ and he didn’t even care about how bad Tsukki was at handling emotions because he was suddenly on his knees and he was hiding his face in his hands and he was sobbing because it was all too much. He had resigned already, given up all hope of ever managing to say it, of ever being able to be held in his arms with _something else_ other than what they were already used to – and it’s not like he didn’t _like_ it, because he _did_ , but there was something missing and Tadashi wanted to be able to hug him back and feel his lips on his and now that could work out and he didn’t know what to feel anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, and Tadashi forced himself to look up at him, cocking his head in plain confusion because he had nothing to be sorry for, so _why?!_ “It must be pretty bad considering you’re on the floor, crying your eyes out and _sobbing_ , for _fucks sake_. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything?”

And it hit him. Tsukki didn’t _know_ – he had just confessed and Tadashi was so overwhelmed he forgot to say it back before he started crying like a toddler, and _oh, no,_ Tsukki must be feeling so confused and so _hurt_.

“No, no, no!” he actually screams, getting up on his feet and jumping on the bed again. Tsukki eyes him, confusion spreading across his face and Tadashi has never felt _so bad_ in his entire life. “It’s not bad, like _at all_ , I’m so sorry” he mumbles, not even noticing that he’s getting closer and closer to the boy that now has a deep red tint spread all across his cheeks – but it’s so dark he wouldn’t be able to, anyway. “I was resigned already, to be honest.”

Tsukki raises an eyebrow. “How come?”

“I’ve been in love with you for so long,” he admits, and Tsukki opens his mouth in awe. “I mean it. And it hurt so much seeing you getting called out and being confessed to and getting so many love letters and not being able to do that myself because I was _so scared_ you were going to hate me…”

He wants to say he would never hate him, but Tadashi goes on.

“I felt like I might as well give up and I was fine with that because I got to be by your side either way, but then we started talking about confessions and I was about to burst,” he giggled. “Like, for real, I would have said it if you hadn’t and I’m _so glad_ you did.”

They’re both smiling and it seems _weird_ but they don’t care because they are both so happy and Tadashi doesn’t even notice he’s that close to Tsukki until he’s holding his face and looking down at him. He gulps down and his throat is dry and – _oh, God, did I brush my teeth?,_ he thinks. _Does my breath stink?_ And he’s so nervous because it’s his first kiss and he doesn’t know what to do but Tsukki is pulling him close and he’s letting him and their lips touch and he’s just _so fucking happy_.

He still has his eyes closed a few seconds after Tsukki’s lips are no longer on his own and he only dares to open them when he hears a soft chuckle coming from him. “We’re both idiots”, he says, and Tadashi giggles along with him.

Yeah. They were both idiots and he doesn’t mind.

And then Tsukki is pulling him close again and he feels his heart thumping, climbing its way up his throat again when Tsukki kisses him over and over and over again and he feels on cloud nine. He’d heard about it a lot, but it _does_ feel nice and he doesn’t want to let go because he’d dreamed of this for _so long_ and it was _finally happening_.

But it doesn’t last as long as Tadashi would have wanted it to because they’re both panting and he takes his time to lie down on Tsukki’s chest. For the first time, he can tell exactly how Tsukki is feeling because their hearts are beating in synch and he can’t help but giggle a bit while he envelops him in his arms and kisses the top of his head before they both drift off to sleep. And for the first time in _so long_ , Tadashi is the most comfortable he’s ever been, snuggling closer and closer to the one holding him. And, even, maybe a part of him doesn’t want _tomorrow_ to come – because he’s afraid it’ll crumble to pieces when morning comes.

Except it doesn’t.

He’s never been much of a morning person, to be honest. But when he wakes up with soft touches on his cheeks and kisses on top of his head, he still feels like he’s dreaming and looks up expectantly. Tsukki flashes him a soft smile and he feels his own lips tugging up in response. He yawns and snuggles a bit closer to the warm body beside him, feeling something cold in his tummy.

“Good morning,” he says, still sleepy.

And Tsukki’s voice when he answers is still groggy and a bit lower than what it usually is, and he’s glad he’s the one that gets to hear it first thing in the morning. “Did you sleep well?”, he asks, and Tadashi nods, curling up against him again.

They don’t have morning practice today. They don’t have school. And they can be lazy, snuggled up against each other and prepping kisses everywhere they reach, hugging each other tightly and whispering things they’d never thought they’d hear coming out of their mouths. And it’s _so good_ they wonder why it hasn’t happened earlier. But it’s fine – it’s happening _now,_ and that’s all that matters.

* * *

It wasn’t as weird as he thought it would be, dating your best friend.

They still walked to school together and went to practice. They still talked about nationals and games and they still walked each other home. But now they kissed when they thought nobody was seeing and held hands while walking home from practice. Tadashi still called him “Tsukki” in front of their friends, but whenever they came over, he’d started calling him by his given name and it wasn’t weird at all, feeling it rolling down his tongue. It seemed _right_ , somehow.

And sharing beds was still something they did, even though they were now officially dating. It’s not like their families hadn’t thought they were dating before, anyway. And Tadashi’s heart still races whenever they embrace each other under the blankets, but now he hears Kei’s heartbeat and he know he’s as nervous as he is. Now they can share kisses and touch each other in ways they couldn’t before – and he was glad he’d gotten swept off his feet. Because now he got to see lazy golden eyes staring down at him lovingly when he woke up and they’d share lazy morning kisses and they’d cuddle and it was perfect. Tadashi was in love and he didn’t need to hide it anymore, because Kei was also in love with him. And that was nice – because he wouldn’t be plodding forward all on his own, because he could turn around and whisper that _it happened exactly how it was supposed to_ while gazing at the most beautiful mix of golden and brown he’s ever seen.


End file.
